I guess I should do my own plug thread....

[Tanith]

Just wanted to say that I'm still going to read the rest of your fics. I have a very long reading list at the moment, and most of it involves reading Edwardian - WWI era works for research. It's not my usual reading, and it's requiring more brainpower than normal to get through it. (Funny, considering I breeze through earlier works, mostly from the Regency period, quite easily. I think it's all the useless, sappy melodrama I'm reading that's so difficult to work through. I'll need to read some Vonnegut after this to reboot my brain.)

I'm intrigued that you've written a Neifirst story, though. She's one of my favorite video game villains.

Hydrofoil was excellent, though I think I already told you that. I loved the unique narration and the inclusion of Wrens.

[carlsojos]

I screwed myself out of a half a day of proofreading, and it just so happens that Benoit decided to update today, but I don't think I screwed it up too badly, so here it is.

Hacking

Another case of a title I don't like, but it works. I just had to indulge in my addiction, so here's another Rika story. Let the complaints fly.

[BenoitRen]

You forgot to plug Song and Dance.

[carlsojos]

You forgot to plug Song and Dance.

I was hoping to keep quiet on that, since I didn't say I'd plug it in my experiment log.
But yes, Song and Dance. A story-in-progress. I won't say what it'll be about, because I have no idea at this point. I just know I'm trying a different writing model from my norm, and that involves breaking half a dozen rules I've previously given myself to make good stories.

[carlsojos]

I've yet another short story for ya'll to check out.

Separate Ways (Yes, this is the one I sent to you, a4th. I changed my mind on the title.)

A followup on "Neifirst", this one follows Neifirst again; I'm starting to like this Numan, with her violent side so visible.

Unleash the criticism! I dare ya!

[carlsojos]

Forgot to mention this yesterday, but I brought on another story.

Prospective Student

I again don't like the name, but it's a short followup from Armorer's Son. Just for kicks, I aimed for flash fiction length, and barely overshot the maximum length. Yes, I did rush a little.

[Dr_Odin]

I have read Test Flight. It was excellent!

I should tell you that I do not have any knowledge or interest for that matter in the technical/specs of vehicles. Not cars, airplanes or anything. So I read the fic with that background. It was when I reached the part with Wren pulling "10 G" when I was like f*ck yeah, very cool! And I like the twist of the other vehicle appearing. The whole tech part of the story created the atmosphere for the conclusion.

I believe I found a type: "You don it, and with a test breath to make sure the air is coming out properly, you nod as Wren-P has you test his mask, too."

Overall I was skeptical at first but ended up loving it! I'm going to head on to reade Black Sword's fic. Will definitively read more of your work carlsojos!

[carlsojos]

I believe I found a type: "You don it, and with a test breath to make sure the air is coming out properly, you nod as Wren-P has you test his mask, too."

This is a valid word, it basically means "to wear". Reference the verb form.

[carlsojos]

I've been rather quiet on the writing front recently, since for some strange reason people have been asking me, of all people, to proofread their works. If they only knew I flunked High School English....

Anyway, got a story online here that I personally hate. A Paper Log. This one, I took a rather unusual approach to making it. While I don't like the result, some of the people who've seen it elsewhere say they really like it, so I've brought it here.

C'mon, I wanna hear thoughts here! I don't care whether it's unadulterated praise or substantiated claims that I am the antichrist, I can't improve without feedback.

[carlsojos]

After teasing Benoit for the better part of a week, here's Playing Hero. Unless I misinterpreted it, this is probably the last of my current Young Rika arc.

Feedback, please!

[tilinelson2]

Good end to the "series". It shows an interesting point in the father-daughter relationship: the father has plans for his daughters and the daughter has different plans. She disrespect her father and the outcome was partly bad and mostly good, but the results were not important. Important was that they had different views and none was exactly right, like natural parent-child relationships. It is also a sign that Rika was ready to hit the road, as she didn't want to follow her father's plans anymore. Reminds me Cat Stevens song "Father and Son".

Of course you will claim I'm reading too much into your fanfic, but stories are open for interpretation, aren't they?

[carlsojos]

Good end to the "series".

You know what? I think I'll do a personal answer right here since it's been too long since anyone reviewed me here.(I really hate dealing with BBCode to post stories on the Fringe)

She disrespect her father and the outcome was partly bad and mostly good, but the results were not important. Important was that they had different views and none was exactly right, like natural parent-child relationships.

This is an interesting interpretation here. I personally thought it was more of a part of Seed's plan to prepare Rika for leaving the Bio Plant.

It is also a sign that Rika was ready to hit the road, as she didn't want to follow her father's plans anymore. Reminds me Cat Stevens song "Father and Son".

I never heard that song before, but I do agree that both wanted Rika to leave for the world beyond.

Of course you will claim I'm reading too much into your fanfic, but stories are open for interpretation, aren't they?

I don't claim that- I only claim that I'm unable to see such deep meaning in my own stories. Besides, I once invoked "Dead Author Rule" in an argument with you, and that means that I must also be willing to apply it to myself.

[tilinelson2]

Now I've finished Dark Energy. The story is long, but it is easy to read. There goes my views on your "epic".

First of all, you already know that the story is unpolished and it would benefit for some polishing. One thing that would make a great difference, but would require a lot of change would be changing the perspective from 1st to 3rd person. There is nothing wrong with 1st person, but you didn't explore the strengths of a 1st person narrative and 3rd person looks more adequate to the kind of story you were writing. Besides, your use of present is uncommon to the English language and it can be tricky; even when you proofread stories, you make some verb tense mistakes, so you must take care.

Even so, I'm not much worried about the style; I've read great stories with a poorer style than yours, so it doesn't bug me much. As for the content, well, I've seen many people trying to come out with an argument for a story after PSIV. Though I'm still not convinced that there is a way to make a PSV after what they have done in PSIV, your argument was original and interesting. The Dark Energy being the remains of Profound Darkness and still being able to act, though in a limited way, is more plausible than saying that Dark Force or Profound Darkness survived somehow, after all PSIV was about vanquishing the evil forever and living happily ever after.

As for the rest, well, your lead character is too much of a Mary Sue. There is nothing wrong in the character being special in something, but she was special in everything, even in things it was not needed. Moreover, you make the same mistake of PSIV, trying to tie everything with the past story. The great thing about PSI, PSII and PSIII was that the stories were connected, but completely different from one game to another. PSIV is still partly like that, though it has its own mistakes. Your group of characters is very cool, they have a good diversity. It is a pity that some of them were not explored further, because they shine much more than the protagonist (like in PSIV that most fans dislike Chaz). However, even these characters have some "Mary Sueness" on them as they manage to do anything they want to easily and they can convince everyone in two sentences. In addition, I frowned at the idea of having Lutz, the only Numan in the world, an android and a fighter again in the main group. I'll not enter in other details that bug me because it would be too much spoiler.

The story concept is interesting: scientists discover an ancient system and try to activate it, activating biomonster breeding by accident. The end was unexpected and it was a very good thing. The story has a good balance of action and personal drama. Some references to science and technology are superflous to 99,99% of the readers that are not science and tech addicts like you and me, but at least you managed to keep them at an acceptable level and it is a standard for you to keep for your other stories.

The pace should be slower; it is not that you opted for skipping some unrelevant parts, you just skip relevant parts. In a chapter, they were there and in the other they are here, but nobody knows why. I'm not fond of long descriptions and decorations of prose. There are some authors that I dislike because they have long proses about nothing; the plot is the soul of the story. You may be just amateur if you lack style, but you are a farce if you have no plot and there are thousands of wannabe writters that have all the books of style in their minds, know Thesaurus by heart, but can't tell a good story. You have the plot, you have good stories, so you have the most important thing. However, there is a thin line between what you can skip as irrelevant and what you can skip, and, sometimes, you skip parts that leave the reader confused.

Overall, the plot is good, apart from some excesses and it is an unpolished gem. I don't expect you to polish such a large story, but it was not painful to read; it was interesting enough to grab my attention during the 60 chapters. For being one of your first stories, it is good and shows that you have potential to become a great writer, as you have the most important: a good plot.

[carlsojos]

Holy shit, that's long review... whelp, it isn't just one of my first stories, it's THE first. I may be meaner at my past self than you think is reasonable, but I say, "What the fuck, Josh? Who was your drug dealer back then?"

So you see why I've grown to hate that protagonist, eh? I find it easier to work with canon characters because they already have their strengths and weaknesses defined, if you take care to keep them in character.

[carlsojos]

This one's been held up by Benoit's email problem, but it's finally here: the first story I've written since I got a job. I thought for sure it was gonna be a torture fest since the job is rather stressful, but I find it rather entertaining, myself.

For One Last Embrace

Despite ending my story arc of Rika in her youth, I wound up having her star in one more, except after PSIV instead of before.