Feelings Of A Lonely Woman
by Alys Rysel

I�ve thought that I was strong enough, but now all those memories archived in the depths of my heart are coming back to me. And the only thing I feel is pain. Pain and sorrow of myself.

It was my fault. If I hadn�t been so resentful, he would be here with me now. But then I was angry. I wanted to avenge my mother�s pride.

The first thing that came to my mind when I knew that he was looking for my help was to humble him. But then, in battle, I realized that he was an Orakian. He could have some technique power but he was an Orakian after all. Layans can�t pick up any sword, and he was a great swordsman. So, when I was defeated, I decided to join him with the excuse of protecting my Power Topaz, the gem that allowed us to reach the legendary land of Satellite. But what I really wanted was to know him, just to find another chance to humiliate him. I wanted to show him who I was and how the true Orakians are. But at the end of the journey, things changed. I was deeply in love with him. I couldn�t help it. Despite my rudeness, he was nice to me. He helped me in whatever I needed, he cared for me. And I decided to give him an opportunity. I didn�t want to, but then I realized it was too late. I told myself not to fall in love with him, with the son of the man who abandoned his land and my mother for a Layan girl. But it had been stronger than me. That�s why I felt so miserable when he chose Thea as his wife.

She had advantages: they were cousins. They grew up together. They were Layan. So it was reasonable that she had been the chosen.

I returned to Landen almost immediately after his choice. There was nothing left for there, in Azura. I returned heart-broken, just as my mother did. But I tried (as much as I could) not to show it.

I decided to protect Landen and Satera instead of looking for a husband. I didn�t want to fall in love again at that time.

�I�m young. Nothing will happen if I don�t marry right now�, I used to say. My parents were worried, specially mum, who couldn�t understand our fate: both of us couldn�t marry the man we loved. She didn�t want me to become a tough person, not in appearance, but at heart.

And she thought that I was going to have normal royal life when I met Lian. Lian was a Sateran boy who I met during a holiday. We began to share our time and, soon, we were more than friends. I loved him, but not as much as my first love. But he understood it. He lived something similar: his sister was about to marry a young man when he ran away, and she still misses him.

But I am doomed by fate: a few days before our wedding, he died. After that, I decided to look after my cities. I didn�t want to get hurt by love again.

And, in that, I succeeded. Every attack of Lune�s army has been stopped, with the exception of the first attack, which destroyed Satera, my beautiful homeland. By then, we weren�t ready for an attack and his army was enormous. But we have stopped him, although he raised a bridge to reach Landen, just to get to Aridia and find Laya�s treasure. Now people accept me and give me support because of that.

But I�m alone. Mum and Dad are dead, Lian is dead, Satera is destroyed and now, I got the news that Ayn is also dead.

I can�t believe it. Someone attacked Azura, and he didn�t want to leave. So did Thea, his beloved wife. But their son, Sean, escaped and is coming here, to ask for help, just as his father did some time ago.

I will help him the most I can. I won�t commit the same error as before: I won�t be resentful. He can be more Layan than Orakian, he can be the grandson of the man who destroyed my mother�s heart (and the son of the man I�ve loved, how quaint), but those things doesn�t make him a criminal. Nobody is perfect. He needs help, he must find out who killed his parents and his people.

I can�t leave Landen; the people needs me and I�ve lost agility, but I will guide him and I�ll pray for his safety.

I must help him. It�s the least I can do in memory of my family, of Ayn and of those who wanted and want this endless war to stop.